The end of the road can be a beautiful start
by Krisalt
Summary: Three weeks. He has been at Starfleet academy for three weeks and already, he could sense this was not the best idea he had. And Leonard was kind of an expert in taking the bad decisions, so he knew what he was talking about. Joining Starfleet was meant to be a beginning, a fresh start after those three awful years he had. But to be honest with himself, he felt it was more li


**Chapter 1: The bug accident, or how Bones is never going to be alone. EVER**

 **Notes:** _This is my first fic in the star trek fandom and only my second one in english. I hope it went alright ! Don't hesitate to tell me what you think of it or if you see any mistakes : I don't have a beta yet._  
 _This fic is a very personal one, for many reasons and it is one I really care about._  
 _It took me a long time to write it and to finally starting to edit. Almost everything is already done but there is still some work to do._  
 _I hope you enjoy it !_

* * *

Three weeks. He has been at Starfleet academy for three weeks and already, he could sense this was not the best idea he had. And Leonard was kind of an expert in taking bad decisions, so he knew what he was talking about. Those three weeks had let him completely without an ounce of energy to spare. There has been so much changes in so little time. He could barely recognize himself or his life.

Joining Starfleet was meant to be a beginning, a fresh start after those three awful years he had. But to be honest with himself, he felt it was more like he had reach the end of the road, without any way to go farther. Everyone around him was going on with their life, and he was left behind, not able to catch up.

Everyday he was getting up, without any real motivations. It was like being a robot, mechanically going through the day, from tasks to tasks, always under a sticky fog, that he could not fight against. He went to his classes, did his shifts at the clinic. He would meet up with his supervisor once a week, trying to make choices for his future, failling most of the time, ending just following what the guy though would be the best. Sometimes he accepted his classmates invitations for a drink at the end of the day, when he was not feeling too overmelted, and by their enthousiasm, their restlessness. He knew he was already developping a reputation of being a grumpy asocial killjoy, but he did not care enough to try to rectify this impresion. And well, it was not really wrong, was it ?

But the worse was not to find himself here, without any idea of what would wait for him, or even to be forced to cohabite with people so young and fresh and HAPPY. No. even if it was rattling him and seriously putting his mood in the pit, the worse was being so far from Joanna. He was missing his little girl so fiercely and he could barely cope. It let him with a gapping hole in his chest. Everything could have been bearable if she had been there or even if he could have seen or talk to her for some minutes. But even that, Jocelyn had taken from him, in a attempt to shelter their daughter from him. And he knew deep down it was for the best and that Jocelyn was not trying to be malicious. He could not find it in him to blame her, after all the shit that had happened, and the way he had behaved. The only contacts she allowed between the two of them was letters and mails. If he was lucky, Joanna would have recorded a vocal message or a video, and he would spend hours listening to them, when he should have been studying or socializing with his pears.

Lately, Joanna has taken to the habits of sending him little gifts, mostly some crafts she has made at school or home. Usually, there were drawings he always hanged on the walls of his room. They always cheered him up when he was feeling down. Or sometimes, when he was really in a dark mood, they just remind him of how much he had lost.

But even if he was cherishing all of her gifts, he could admit he was a bit throw out by the lastest in date, curenthly on his desk. To be frank, he might even be a little pissed, because he was sure Jocelyn had a say in this one and encouraged their daughter just to mess with him.

Leonard threw an other cautious look to the open box, not sure what to do. Inside, in a plastic container, were twentish crickets, happylly crawling around their temporary house. Some of them were singing, not at all bothered by their ankward location. How could they have reached San Francisco without harm ? It was quite baffling. And really, how would he take care of them ? No way Joanna was expecting him to keep them ? It was insane.

Shaking his head in disbelief, Leonard turn on his computer, decided to find out what his daughter had in mind when she send him her little surprise.

 _Hi, Sweet heart_

 _I hope everything is alright and that you are being a sweet girl to your mama._

 _I received your latest gift. Thank you so much? You know how I love your little packages._

 _But I have to admit I was kinda surprise by this one. Why did you send me crickets ? You know they are meant to be outside, crawling happily in green grass with their bug friends ? I am not sure they're going to appreciate living with me._

 _With all my love_

 _Your papa_

Leonard read once again his message before sending it to his daughter. On friday she usually went back home rather late, so he did not expect an answer right away. Sighting, he sat back in his chair, passing his fingers through his hair. He send a contemplative look to the little buggers, still singing, before getting up. He had to finish a dissertation in xenobiology and he was a bit late on his schedules. He has been trying to write it for some days now but each time he found some motivations, he would always ends up lost in his thoughs, not able to focus on it. But it would not write iself, and the teacher already told them she would not accept any delay.

Decided to make at least some progress, he settled on his bed with his datapads spread around him. The crickets were still singing, a constant white noice in the background. Strangely, it was not really bothering him. It was even quite soothing and he found himself a bit more focus on his work than he had been for weeks. It was grounding him on the current moment and task.

He has been working for some time now, when a quite noice from his computer put him out of his concentration, signaling him that he received a message. He hesitated a moment, before deciding to check it out. His legs were a bit wobling after spending hours without moving. When he reached the computer, he saw that the message was Joanna's answer. Smiling, he sat down on his desk chair before openning it.

 _Hi Papa !_

 _I am so happy you got my gifts ! I miss you so so much ! When can I see you ?_

 _I send you crickets so you are not alone in your new school ! I can't be with you so you need some friends ! Mama said it was a good idea._

 _Can you send me photos of their new home ?_

 _I did good in school this week, so Mama told me we could go see a movie tomorrow. I will tell you all about it later._

 _I love you Papa !_

 _Joanna_

Like every time he had news from her, he could only feel relief, knowing she was well, and sorrow, knowing it was without him in the picture. But at least, he was now fixed on what he had to do with the crickets. It seemed Joanna expected him to keep them. Because it was a love gesture. And he was completely wrapped around her little finger.

He let his eyes lingered a little bit more on the message, before throwing a glance to the happily singing band of squatter. He let a long sigh escape, bending his head until his forehead rested on the desk surface. He was fucked.

The next morning found Leonard wandering in a pet shop, a bit at loss, not really sure what he needed for his new companions. It has been ages since he had go outside of the campus and it was weird to see so many people, out of uniforms, shatting and going on with their life. The shop itself was swarming with clients, much to his displeasure. He had hoped coming early on a saturday morning would spare him that kind of crowd but he was obviously wrong. He was now navigating with caution in the alleys, looking throught all the merchandises, lost in the multitude of them.

Once the decision to keep the crickets has been made, he had looked on the net for some advices and tips on the well-being and care of crickets, but putting it in application was a bit more complicated that what he expected. He had been there for nearly thirty minutes now, and it was a real hardship to take a decision for each items he needed. Shoud he take the big black terrarium that had hiding places for the bugs or shoud he take one more basic, so he could customized it himself ? Would the fish food be enough, like most of the specialists seemed to think or should he buy some complements to be sure nothing would lack in their alimentation ? Indecision was invading his mind, and he could not settle on anything, sure it would be the wrong choice.

He could see the shop owners and some other customers glancing his way. Maybe he looked as lost and daze as he felt. Well, the sight of a grown man loosing his mind over some bugs items was not very rassuring for sure. He was on the edge of giving up, when a shy voice interupted his small melt down.

''Excuse me sir ? Do you need any help ?''

Startled, Leonard turned around sharply, to find himself in front of a young woman, that could not be in her twenties yet. Charlene, if the employee tag on her shirt was correct. Troubled by his silence, she insisted.

''Sir ? Might I be of any help ? ''

''Euh … Yeh ? '' he started self-conscious, a bit reluctant to share the details of this crazy situation. ''Could you maybe … help me find out what is better to take care of crickets ''he added, flinching at the mention of the hellish bugs.

''Of course sir '' the young girl answered, throwing a large smile. She must be relieved to obtain finally an answer from him. ''Follow me, we are going to start with the food'' she continued, gesturing him to accompany her, while she headed toward the food section. While he was a bit upset he needed help, he felt relief overcome him. With Charlene's help, he was now certain everything would be okay.

In the end, the whole bussiness took less than ten minutes and with a list of advices and some encouragements, he was now headed back to Starfleet and to his room. But before, he had to make a short stop by the little woods on the campus. Charlene had hinted it would be a good idea to take some dry leaves and branches, to make the crickets environment the more natural as possible for them.

The campus was quite, in the way that shouted ''Cadets are dumbasses that drank themselves to hell and now they can't get up''. Leonard liked it that way. Less people to meet, less people to socialized with. Unless he was on shift at the clinic. In those moments, he was not so happy when herds of crying cadets came to medical to find cures to their mistakes.

The little woods were a safe haven, life slowly moving around him, while he was getting ready to recolt his leaves and soil. The birds songs and the bugs orchestra were soothing, letting him forget about the time and his worries. Regulary, he would take deep breath, savouring the paticuliar fragance of the forest, reminding him of his youth, when he would spend days in the woods with his Da et Ma on vacation, camping and treking. God, he loved thoses days and how he missed the simple and quite life of being a child. It seemed forever since he had known something like that.

He remembered some plans he had to take Joanna to the same woods he had enjoyed during his childhood, eager to let her experience that feeling of freedom and adventure, teaching her how to make a good fire, to fish or just enjoy a slow afternoon. But all that plans had been forgotten for some times now. He had had his chance, but had been unable to take it, too deep in his shit at the time.

He was so deep in the memories and inside his head that he did not hear the ruckus before it was just behind him and made him jump out of his skin. He turned back quickly, nearly tripping, to find himself nose to nose with the brat from the shuttle, all sweaty and red on the face, clearly on a run. He was now stopped just in front of him a large smile curving his face, while he looked at Leonard with clear curiosity, and something like eagerness.

They stared at each other for a moment, before Leonard came back to his mind.

''Can I help you with something kid ? '' he asked drily, a bit annoyed by the little freak out he just had.

''Nope. '' was the kid only answer, while he stood still, not on the urged to leave. He was studying Leonard, looking at all the plastic bags laying around, the doctor's messy appearance, and the big bag of leaves in his hands. He was clearly curious and dead set on getting an explanation to the weird scene. Leonard was not giving him one, so he turned back and he resumed his earlier activity, ignoring the kid standing behind him, his fast panting the only clue he was still here.

Finally, the kid yeld to his curiosity and started talking.

''So, not to be indiscreet or anything Bones, but what the hell are you doing here on a Sunday morning ? ''

Leonard felt his eyes widen at the weird surname and at the hypocrisy of the question.

''What did you just called me ? '' he barked, sending him a sharp glare. ''and what are YOU doing here on a sunday morning instead of suffering throught a well deserved hangover ?''

The kid started laughing, a happy sound echoing in the woods, startling Leonard.

''Still pissed and broody I see !''

''Fuck you kid ''

''Ooh, don't be like that Bones ! It kinds of have its charms, trust me. And it's Jim by the way. ''

Leonard snorted, a bit offended. Their meeting was blurry in his memories, but he had not been that drunk that he did not remember the name of the person who distracted him through the hellish moments that had been that shuttle ride. But they were more important things at sake, like that ridiculious nickname.

''Again with Bones ! What's your deal with that ?''

Jim shrugged before answering.

'' You only have your bones left ? You know, it was what you told me on the shuttle when we met ''.

''Oh. Right. Kinda surprise YOU remember that '' he snided, a petty revenge for assuming he had memory loss, when Jim had been as drunk as him at the end. But Jim only gave him a grin, not very concerned about Bones grumpy mood. He only put back the conversation on Leonard whereabouts.

''And so, what are you doing here ? I mean, in my case the explanation is quite simple : I am jogging, I like to run in the wood, end of the story. But you … I fail to find a plausible explanation to find you filling a big bag with dirts and leaves, all of it while you mumble imprecations in your beard''.

Leonard gave him a long sufferening look, but Jim did not seem the kind of person to give up when something arose his interest, in this case Leonard's mysteries. If he wanted some peace in the near future, he shoud just give up.

''Crickets'' was the short answer he gave, not really in the mood to share more.

''What ? ''The kid was obviously puzzled, his eyes wide open, his head slight tilt. It maked Leonard almost smug to have been able to provoke this reaction in the cocky cadet. But is was obvious that short answer would not help in the matter of satisfying his curiosity and make him leave faster, so Leonard resigned himself to speak more than two words at a time and to entered in a real and interactive conversation with an other sentient being.

''I said crickets. I need all of that crap for those little buggers waiting for me at my room''.

''You sound crazy. I hope you know that''. Jim seemed very glad of that fact, a large and delighted smile on his face. Strangely, Leonard found himself with a little matching smirk.

''Oh don't worry. I know it. Try being the one who has to live it''

''You got a point ''. The kid fell silent after that but he did not leave, staying with Leonard, following him around and even helped him once to move all the bags with him. Finally, he found his tongue again.

''And why do you have crickets ? '' he asked, as if the conversation had not been stopped for five minutes. Nonplussed, Leonard decided to go with it.

''This is totally not my fault. My daughter decided to send me some company. And even if I really don't care about crickets, I don't want to disapoint her, so I have to keep them and make them happy and comfy for the sake of her. ''

When no answer came, he threw a glance toward Jim, just to see the most goofy expression on his face.

''That'' Jim declared '' is fucking cute. ''

Leonard felt his face grow warm, and he went back to his task, avoiding Jim's eyes. There was nothing cute about him, he was a grow man, a doctor, a Starfleet Officer to be. Behind him, Jim let out little snikers, before following him, still carrying the bags. And when Leonard felt the kid could not surprised him more and be more of an intrusive bastard, he, of course, had to prove him wrong.

He was just finishing collecting what was needed and getting ready to go back to his room and enjoy the peace, when Jim stood in frond of him, with a begging expression on his face.

'' Can I come to see them ? I really want to meet the little guys now ''

''No way !'' he firmly answered, with all the might of his parental authority, trying to walk around Jim, who was not deterred by his final and irrevocable decision.

''But I wanna see them'' he plead, following Leonard.

''Why do you even care about them ? '' asked Leonard, a bit puzzled by Jim insistence to come back with him to his room.

''Well, I just spend thirty minutes with you looking for stuff for their new home, so I kind of feel the need to at least meet them.'' He explained, with a matter-of-fact tones, arms crossed on his chest, resolute. Leonard felt his eyebrows rose, not sure what to think of this argument, and a bit amused by the kid's stubbornness. And well, it has been aged since he felt something like enjoyment. Maybe he could suffered Jim's presence a bit longer. He would be fast gone the moment he would have ease his curiosity anyway.

''Whatever. Suit yourself''

It turned out Jim really meant it when he said he would come with Leonard. And Leonard was only remembering now the state of his room. A mess beyond description. He did not take the time nor the energy during those three first weeks to maintain a sustainable environment for others than his own slob being.

And now, he was regretting everything with force. A real disaster was barely enough of a description in his opinion. Clothes were randomly liying around the room, dirty dishes were pilled up like a mountain over the sink, papers and books were hiding almost every surfaces of the room and he knew the air was stale, from all the time he was spending locked up without even opening the window for some fresh air. He had not care, being the only one to put up with his lazyness and lack of energy, but now, with a guest in tow, the clarity of his living conditions just jump to his throat.

Self-conscious, Leonard started to put some order in the giant mess, feeling his face warming up, trying not to look toward Jim. The kid did not seem bothered at all by the state of the room, or he was just being too polite and tactful to make a comment (Who would have thought it, with that big mouth of him!). He had entered with his usual assurance, looking around curiously, but without judgment.

''Ooh, here at the little guys'' cooed Jim, surprising Leonard out of his intern freak out. He turned toward Jim, to see him kneeling in front of the table, where Leonard remembered he had placed the crickets before going out earlier.

Letting Jim at his comtemplation of the crickets, he kept trying to clean up a bit the room, marveling at his own capacity of destruction on such a short time. While Leonard was fretting around, Jim had finally let go of the crickets box and was calmly going throught the doctor's possession, opening books, holding up some of Joanna's drawings with a big smile on his lips, or playing with some of Leonard's medical stuff.

''Do not sweat it Bones. I have seen worse and well …. Not like you did have a lot of time on your arms, I am wrong ? ''. He finally said, making the dreaded comment Leonard was expecting, even if it was gentle and reassuring. Bones knew this was not a good excuse, far from it, and that Jim was just being polite. But he was grateful he gave him one.

''Yeh, right '' he mumbled, slowly letting go of the shirts he was holding. They fell back on the chair they previously were before he tried to find a more suitable place for them, his closet already full of junk he had pillep up to try to make illusion.

He decided to put his mind to a more urgent task, putting the crickets home together. The employee who helped him earlier at the shop had also provided him with a list of advices to put everything together and he was determined to follow it to the letter.

First he cleaned up the terrarium, and then he laid out the soil and the leaves Jim and he had took from the forest. He settled the nest box for the eggs, and two mangers for the food and the water, which he poured on a small bundle of cotton, so they could not drown, or so the employee said. And then, faster than he thought it would be, everything was ready. He looked at the box with the crickets. No turning back once he would settle them in the terrarium. Slowly shaking the head in disbelief, he stood up and took the box. Who was he kidding ? Like he had a choice in the matter : Joanna would ask news from them.

The crickets were all jumpy and crazy when he put them inside the terrarium. He made sure they all went out of the box, before putting it out and closing the lid. There.

''Welcome home little bastards '' he whispered, crouching to have his head at the terrarium level. He settled in a careful watch, observing them wandering around in the terrarium, taking their new marks. He did not have to wait long before some of them started singing, clearly comfortable. At least someone in this room was happy to be inside starfleet walls.

His mussing were interupted by the sudden lull in the background noice that was Jim ruffling throught his stuff. Intrigued, Leonard checked on him, to know what had probably catch the interest of the kid. And indeed, he was holding up something and looking at it with a weird expression on his face, one Leonard could not define. Noticing he was looking at him, Jim made his way to Leonard and showed him the datapad on his hand.

''Is that your daughter ? '' Jim asked, shoving the photo into Leonard's face with enthusiam.

On the screen was a photo of a smiling Joanna. He could remember with stark details the day it has be taken : He just had turned 25, and the three of them have been to a field trip at Chattahoochee River Park to celebrate, enjoying a beautiful day off. Joanna had been running ahead of them the whole time, driving them crasy. It was one of those too rare days when he had been totally focused on the instant, not on his researches, not on call for the hospital, his father still healthy at this moment, and his own brain still on check. Nothing to tarnish the moment, but his current melancholy.

''Yeh, that's the little monster responsible of my bug infection'' snorted Leonard, a fond expression on his face, the sadness tightenning up his throat, missing her more than ever.

''She is cute'' remarked Jim, still looking at the picture.

''She is, isn't she ?'' murmured back Leonard, still a bit unsettled. Jim seemed to noticed something was wrong and turned his eyes from the picture to look at Leonard, to study him with a concerned expression. Leonard, at loss, looked back, not sure what to do with himself or with Jim. The man was always on the move and never did what he expected of him. It was deconcerting, but it was also refreshing in a way.

The moment was broke when Jim, a determined expression on the face, start to talk again, in a clear and energic voice.

''Okay, I saw that bottle of bourbon under one of your clothes piles ! Let's open it and share the story of our lifes'', he declared, while walking toward the said bottle, one of those Leonard had bought the week before.

''It's like 11 am !'' protested Leonard, a bit in shock by the turned of events, not expecting Jim to be here more than ten minutes and having him settling for at least the afternoon, not sure he wanted to get drunk and share intimate details of his life with a perfect stranger. Well, almost stranger. He kind of remembered sharing some pretty deep stuffs with the guy during the shuttle ride, so maybe he had dig his grave himself, now that he was thinking of it. He had opened the door an inch and the kid had just throw wide open the rest of it. Perfect …

''Well, you were convinced I should be hangover earlier. I am simply accomplishing my destiny, and you should help me with that '', justify Jim, putting all protest aside, and opening the bottle.

And Bones could not find anything to say to that, or just could not bother anymore.

They had finished the bottle and now a new one, romulan ale that Jim had ''borrowed'' to Leonard's neighbour, had been half emptied. The two of them were sprawled on Leonard's bed, passing it back and forth, with Jim doing most of the conversation, Leonard participating sometimes or just grinning at the absurdities that were coming from the kid's mouth.

He already had told Leonard the most dramatic and ridiculious adventures from his childwood, from the car over the cliff saga, to his encounter with a bull and how he managed to ride it instead of being stamped by it. Leonard could sense a disturbing pattern of injuries and recklessness that seemed to define a lot of Jim's personality. Leonard wondered if they were reasons why Jim had this need to put himself in danger, or if he was just that stupid.

''Bones, you and I, we are going to be the best friend ever. I just know it '' declared the young man, throwing an heavy arm over Leonard's shoulders, or at least tried, his hand landing on top of Leonard's head.

''Sure kid, sure'' he grumbled, taking an other sip of his drink, not bothering to move the offending hand, knowing Jim would try again and that it could lead to more brutal encounters.

''Let's watch Galaxy Cops ! '' exclamed Jim with enthousiasm, grabbing one of Leonard's padds and burrowing himself more on the bed. Leonard frowned, puzled by Jim's announcement.

''What is that crap ?'' he inquired, slowly getting closer, to have a look at the screen. Jim took his eyes from what he was doing on the padd, to send him a chocked expression.

''Oh my god ! You don't know galaxy cops, the best tv show ever ? I have a duty to the world ! Let's get settled Bones ! ''

And then, lying down next to Jim, Leonard found himself in a interlagalactic conspiration, with a group of renegade cops fighting against corruptions and for justice. Anyway, it was not like he had a lot of better things to do. Still beat sleeping all day along.

The truth was for the first time in months, he did not feel so bad, the sadness and the fog in his mind not so heavy on him. So maybe, if he was honest with himself, he could confess he was happy Jim had decided visiting some crickets was the best way to spend his day.


End file.
